Master Paul...

So, about 7 years ago or so - we moved into a little house nearby here. Alex was around 1 1/2 or so, and we had been here in Bama for about 2 years. Early one morning, hubby is already at work, I'm at home getting ready and I get a phone call. When I answer, this guy on the other end starts talking dirty to me. I start laughing because I know that it's our friend up in Ohio just messing with me, so I start talking back to him - saying all kinds of shit to mess with him. Then as we're going back and forth, I realize that I hear something else on his end of the phone - what is that smacking sound? I pause - "who is this?" I ask... silence, except for that odd smacking sound getting faster - realization washes over me and I hang up. I stand there for a second and then pick up the phone and dial *69 to see who the last caller was - it gives me some odd number with a New York area code - WTF? I'm just slightly embarrassed then - I can't believe that I was just talking dirty to some weird guy. Over the next few months we get more and more calls like that - where are they getting our number? What the hell is going on? Then one day, I answer the phone and some guy on the other end says - "I'm calling for Master Paul." Excuse me? He said - "I've seen your ad in the magazine, I'm calling for Master Paul." Magazine? Oh shit! As it turns out, the people who had the phone number before us (obviously Master Paul and his mistress) had put an ad in a swingers magazine. Must have been a good ad too, cuz we got lots of calls for it! Some very interesting phone messages and calls to say the least. There was one couple that called several times, they lived close by and wanted to stop by - but please do not call them until after 8pm, because they had kids and they didn't want them to overhear anything! What a riot! One woman with a strong Italian accent called and Fuddy Duddy answered the phone, she said "I'm calling about the ad in the magazine." He explained that she had the wrong number and then she said... "Oh, well.... do you want to talk?" LOL - these people! (sidenote: he didn't talk to her). Anyway, we've since switched numbers again and no longer get those kind of calls, darn it! Now we simply get phone calls telling Mr. Lawrence S. that he missed another appointment with his Colon and Rectal surgeon and could he please call back as soon as possible. Not quite as exciting...

However, we did have a voice mail at home last week... can't remember exactly, but here's the gist of it - "I saw your number on my wife's phone and wanted to let you know how hot you are - I'm getting a chub just thinking of us together..." I think FuddyDuddy has a secret admirer. I can't blame them really.