Calling for help!!!

OK - this is a good one... My brother's brother-in-law (a confirmed bachelor) is tying the knot. FINALLY. ;) So my brother is throwing him a bachelor party - which should be a VERY good party - but one that I don't think that I would want to be at... Anyway... One of the things that he is doing is setting up a "tip jar" on the bar with funny tips in it - so we need help with some tips to fill it up. Here are some sample ones that we already have -

• Don't eat shiny lunch meat
• If you want to double your money fold it in half and put it back in your pocket
• If it bleeds for a week and doesn't die, DON'T TRUST IT!
• If it hurts when you touch it, don't touch it.

So - please leave us some good ones and help a good cause!